Life on an Island

The younger one (3rd grader going to 4th grade):
I want to have N or J over for a play date. I also want to blow something up like a water balloon. I will also want to travel and  play tricks on M (sibiling like tricks). 

The older one (going to 6th grade):
I would like to visit Seattle and Vancouver. I also want to swim with my friends and have play dates. I would like to go to the beach early in the morning at low tide.I would like to stay up late with my family and watch movies and play boardgames. I would also like to go to sailing camp and learn to sail.

First in 2014
Family lost a kitty, bred chicks and went to Japan and Tofino.

Dad: worked on a project for license application
Mom: went to a distant country alone for work
10-yr-old: starting viola
8-yr-old: starting guitar, going to Bainbridge Island, getting a tooth pulled out,

What we have to be thankful for 2014

Dad: family, friends, healthy and .... 

Mom: everything; even though certain things were difficult in 2014, they can be now good life lessons to draw from

10-yr-old: family, happiness of discovering new things like what I can do, and of rising to a new level, and of knowing that my hard work is cherished, love, and new clothes

8-yr-old: my comfy bed, new clothes - my sweater, my friends, books, electronics (mom >_<), fresh air, hiking, our place

New hope for 2015
For self -
Dad: family health; leave a sticky situation for 5 min. and calm down

Mom: regular exercise; stay positive (8-yr-old: mommy is already positive)

10-yr-old: more time to focus on Chinese work (got an 80 on test which is an F for her, it's because of lack of concentration); work on viola; take deep breaths before handling a situation and ignore those who bother me

8-yr-old: doing more math and writing to be the best at writing and math; grow bigger and get better at soccer; become techi in class; stop pouncing on sister; be more organized

For family -
For Daddy:
control his temper and don't scare and threaten us when we disagree with him; stop looking at computer and get outside; control his volume; stop wearing boxer pants in front of windows; have better mood in the morning; get rid of the tooth-shaped hair patch on forehead; stop snoring; stop drinking coffee everyday (dad: no way); stop making faces

For Mommy:
(from 8-yr-old) eat more things faster; open more things (like chocolate potato chips); don't pick teeth; stop using my towel to cover herself when brushing teeth; buy a new bathrobe to wear and not wear mine; let us play Mario once a day (Mom's response: don't even think during the week); stop putting on ghost mask; stop being afraid of cold
(from 10-yr-old) to *always* listen to us with more explanation; stop chewing finger
(from dad) exercise more

For 10-yr-old:
(from 8-yr-old) stop wearing glasses every meal of the day; stop staring at me; stop being mad after getting out of bed in the morning; stop having nightmares about stealing your cake and stop screaming at me at night; stop putting up feet at dining table and stop kicking me; stop stealing chocolates from cupboard; stop reading every single minute of everyday; stop disliking your brother's presents; stop putting wart on my face; stop making kids run after me; stop sitting on daddy; stop trying to annoy me; stop taunting me for eating candies
(from mom) clean and organize your own space; be confident and understand that you don't need to please anyone;
(from dad) be organized; be nice to parents and stop attitudes; drink water; don't yell at family; plan ahead


For 8-yr-old:
(from mom) stop chewing fingers/thumbs; quit candy; eat only healthy snacks and always brush teeth; always stay responsible and polite
(from dad) good attitude; be more confident in playing sports;
(from 10-yr-old) stop breaking promises; stop annoying me; find something to do when feeling bored; stop doing disgusting things; stop imitating swords men or pointing finger guns at me; try to keep words all the time; stay loyal to family; be more honest


Happy New Year of 2015

From Hurricane Ridge. Somehow it looks a bit fake here, but it's real

Recently the 10-year-old likes to say "Mom you're pretty" or "Mom you look perfect." My response would be "Looks change, and what's inside is most important" or "you're prettier and smarter than me." This conversation has been happening routinely these days. 

But does look/the way we present ourselves matter?

Was just reading a book about work efficiency and amazingly, instead of all about work itself, it dedicates a chapter to human interactions and relations. One section talks about the importance of paying attention to how we look and present our looks, and sloppy dressers usually achieve less success. I really think it depends on circumstances and is not always the case.

But it reminds me of one instance that I experienced. In my college senior year, we had a small-sized English Composition class, and the teacher was an older man. He did not give the impression as someone who cared about his looks very much and didn't dress neatly. One day we had to talk -- I forgot the context, maybe teacher-student conference time or just about some homework. He suddenly said, "do you know what impression you gave me? I think you're a sloppy student who doesn't pay enough attention to study and are a sloppy dresser." I was so shocked to be called a sloppy dresser by someone I considered a sloppy dresser.

When I started teaching, I started noticing that I did have to watch how I dress so students didn't take me as another student. Now I do pay attention to how I dress on days when I have to meet people.

Good looks are beyond our control unless we're willing to go through surgical procedure. I do feel that some people can get away with not paying attention to their looks and outfit while others cannot. This work tip about how we present ourselves is interesting where it says the way you dress actually is a factor in the success rate of your project getting approved.

This is the first time I'm away from the kids for a 16-day work trip. We skyped every or every other day.

The just-turned-8-yr-old: Mom, I miss you lots.
Mom: I miss you too! I haven't had someone to kiss for so long.
8-yr-old: Kiss yourself!
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10-yr-old: Fashion to me is elegant dresses that have silk ruffles on the bottom, and when you want to you can take it off and put on agile clothes you can run in. They can't have too many sequins or ruffles. They have to be easy to put on, and be made with the best material like mud silk.
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Q: What makes you happy?

8-yr-old: Mom!
(Mom: You're not happy when mommy tells you to do things.)
10-yr-old: Remember that image of a girl using a chalk to draw a mother on the ground and she lay in the middle of it? I wish all orphans in this world can find good parents.
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The 8-yr-old burst into tears when 10-yr-old commented he liked purple smoothies.
Mom: What's the best way to respond to her teasing?
8-yr-old: Tape her mouth.
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Q: What kind of person would you like to become?
10-yr-old: a famous marine biologist that discovers a way for humans to breath under water; have two children and a husband. The children are twins, one boy and one girl who get along well though sometimes squabble. I would like to be a famous scientist and teach students about the ocean. I would retire early and live in a cozy little cottage by the ocean and the forest. I would also like to travel around  the world. I would be a confident, brave, strong, and athletic person. 

Entering the 40s, parents who are still around are aging, and their circle of friends, aunts and uncles that we have known growing up are aging as well.

We go visit family every other year now as we save for airplane tickets carefully. This time, I saw a friend much less than the last time because her 100-yr-old grandfather was in hospital -- hopefully was getting out soon but not yet at that point. Another friend burst into tears on the phone because her father was sick, and I could not ask what and it sounded serious :( Dad and step mom's colleague who was my brother's tutor attacked his wife and was checked into a facility. Dad and bro went to visit him, and he seemed nice but went around about his issues with wife and could not come out of the circle.

We used to always sit down to a lunch with an aunt and uncle, whom dad and step mom said they contacted a month ago but heard nothing back. I phoned and the aunt said she was not doing well and could not speak to me, and said she'd contact me when she could. We did not hear from her again before we left. Then dad suddenly wrote and said the uncle past away. I was so shocked and got hubby to phone the auntie again. She said it's been a bit over a year and she spent the last year in the U.S. to get over it but still cannot. She didn't tell anyone and still does not wish to talk about it. I'm still in shock that the uncle was gone and feel concerned for the auntie. 

One goal of Buddhism is to transcend mundane lives by seeing through the suffering in birth, aging, sickness and death. It's never easy but we have to learn to live with in peace.

9 April, 2014
Hubby spoke to auntie on the phone and we were concerned about her, but my mind was blank. After writing the part above I went to bed. In the morning I woke up at 6am and wrote another journal entry. But when I left the car and walked towards work, I suddenly remembered that when I was a little kid, uncle and auntie got married, and found it quite hard to greet colleagues as usual. When I walked to the elevator, being alone, I felt the real sadness coming. At this moment the boss's boss came in. He took one look at me and asked what's wrong, and I burst into tears. I explained quickly, and he asked why I came to work. I was so blank last night that I didn't know what would happen when it hit me. He suggested that I do not go to meetings, just shut in my office and have some quiet moments. It was really good advice since I could not handle public but can work a bit and spoke to most trusted colleague friend about work and this. One told me that her mother lost a son and wanted to give up life, but survived and had 3 more children. I stopped and went over to the kids school to see them. They asked me why I went over, and I said I just missed them. They gave me a hug when hearing that, and then asked 'really, why did you come?' I said really, just missed you and wanted to see you.

I remember as a preteen I had the anxiety that things are beautiful and the young age was childhood but I didn't know the best way to cherish and use the time. Did I ever just live the moment and focus all my energies on the present second/moment without worrying/thinking about some imperfections or things I wish were better? I'm sure I did, such as when traveling in Tokyo. How can I do it though in the every moment of every day?

It's been a week since Nonie left this world.  Last Friday was a beautiful sunny day, but I cried so much that my face still looks quite ancient this whole week (or maybe it's just always that ancient) with the weight in my mind.  During the course of the past week it was raining or cloudy, but today is another beautiful sunny day.  When I walked into my room I sometimes expected to see her curling up in a ball in the middle of my comforter on my bed like before.  When I heard something heavier drop, I wondered if she was jumping off a higher surface ungracefully.  We can usually find strands of her long white fur on our clothes, and when we went out the usual instinct was to remove the fur when we saw it on clothes.  But now it takes a couple seconds to register: this is Nonie's beautiful fur, and if we don't keep it there will be no more...  Last night we brought her ashes in a bamboo box home.

Today is the Chinese New Year's Day.  It's wonderful to see the sunshine, and we really need to cherish our time on this planet and hopefully do something constructive and contributing to the wellbeing of the lives on and of this world.

  
Happy Chinese New Year of Horse!!

2005 In 2006 the second child was born, and Nonie had to learn to toughen it up a bit.

She then moved with us to the Midwest, and enjoyed seeing all the autumn leaves and snow,

2011

and then to the Pacific coast.

2013

At the end of November, Snowball (Nonie) started excess drooling, and as a white kitty she has always cleaned herself quite well so she also attempted to control drooling.  

On November 30 I took some photos, in two of them she was licking, but we did not realize that her licking was a sign of the beginning of the illness.  I got her a new blanket to make a nest in our room but mostly she has other favorite spots.

At the beginning it was clear drool, but somehow drooling left bits of black stain on her right chin.  We wondered about it and sometimes tried to clean her a bit because she likes to stay clean.  

watching a film projected on the wall with us recently

One of her favorite spots: in the middle of the down comforter; because of the color, she surprised hubby and the younger boy often when they approached the bed without realizing she was there.

On January 11, 2014, Saturday night, however, a bit of blood was mixed in her drool and shocked us.  On Sunday morning, we took her to the only vet we could find open on Sunday.  The vet thought it was either a dental issue which requires complete dental cleaning, or a tumor which in most cases would be malignant.  We decided to put her on antibiotics on January 13, to see if it's a dental issue or something uncontrollable.  Within a week, however, more blood came out of the right side of her mouth, and she could barely eat.  At this point I asked my colleague who's been around here for a long time for a trustworthy vet, and he recommended a cat clinic.  We took her on the following day on January 20 to see a vet.  The experienced vet identified the problem as carcinoma (鱗狀細胞癌), a very aggressive kind of cancer that is painful for cats.  I burst into tears and cried, even though we both had a feeling that it was not something with easy fix.  

January 21    Currently we are working with palliative care, following the vet's instructions to give her two kinds of pain relief and one antibiotic treatment.  I spoke to a couple colleagues who had experiences of losing their beloved pets before.  We are still grappling with it and wonder how to say goodbye, and how to let her know how much we love her.

On January 23, even with the pain medication she cannot eat.  She still walked upstairs from the basement to try the cat grass a bit but didn't touch her food.  We are waiting to speak to the vet right now in the beautiful sunny morning of January 24.

January 24, Noon: the vet thought she's in pain, especially it seems like it has got to the bones.  She thought if it's her cat she would think it's time, but left the decision to us.  I asked about the amount of pain Nonie is currently suffering, and the vet thought it's quite a lot when the bones are hurting.  We made an appointment for later this afternoon, and I am looking up to find ways to help us get through this and say good bye. 

Afternoon: we shared the vet's opinion with the kids and encouraged them to say goodbye.  It was a heartbreaking moment.  The younger one fell on the pile of pillows next to Nonie and couldn't stop crying, just like I did in the morning after the conversation with the vet.  The older one had to go to a class so we checked with friends and one of them came right away to stay with the younger one when we went to drop off the older one at her class and to the vet clinic.  

On the way

We stayed with Nonie throughout the process, during which the vet did a very good job of keeping it a very calm and peaceful and quiet process.  We are very grateful to this vet because when I looked up about this disease there were situations where vets didn't get the diagnoses correct and the animals had to suffer lots through tests and wrong treatments.  The tumor in Nonie's mouth grew rapidly in the last 10 days that surprised even the vet. 

Kids 17 August 2013

7-yr-old:
My favorite part of the day was going swimming, and went to have Dim Sum with two elders.  We were starving at that time and it was really good; bun was really good, and mini egg custard was good too.  It was so good that I flew away.  My mom went to photocopy my classics chapters.  The end.

My least favorite part of the day was when sister hit daddy in the head in the morning.

Tomorrow it depends on what I'm going to do.


9-yr-old:
Eating dim sum with two elders, and eating salty dumpling (a dim sum item) was so good.  And playing with V (3-yr-old neighbor girl) and reading a book to her.

My least favorite part of the day was when 7-yr-old didn't trust me in the game and wouldn't even talk to me.

Look forward to making a birthday card for V.


Mommy in addition to prepare for the trip has been working on a new short article which takes a lot of time.

Daddy's favorite part of the day is eating dim sum and exercise.


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29 October 2013
7-yr-old:
The best part of my day was carving my pumpkin.
The part I like the least was when we roasted pumpkin seeds which were too salty.
(Mom: your wrongdoing scolded by daddy wasn't the least favorite part?
7-yr-old: no.)

9-yr-old:
The favorite part was doing wet land wraps with a partner - a boy who's the same age as me.
The least favorite part of my day was falling off picnic table and hitting my head.
(Mom: your wrongdoing scolded by daddy wasn't the least favorite part?
9-yr-old: no. head hurting was the worse part.)

Mommy:
The best part of my day was reading novels :b
The least favorite part of my day was to have to tell the kids not to find excuses

Daddy:
The best part of my day was focusing on learning new program writing.
The least favorite part of my day is when the kids didn't play the piano well because they didn't focus and played too fast.

Jealousy
8-yr-old: I like to be jealous. It gets me more attention.

Younger one on turning 7
He: Dudley received 33 gifts for his birthday!
me: Oh well that's not environmentally friendly.
He: knew you'd say that. My favorite part today is -- lightsaber!

Mom (M) to 7-yr-old (7) across the hall (Other than getting up for breakfast bun, has simply stayed in bed curled up reading): What are you doing?
7:     pooping.
M:   You need to turn on the fan and close the door!
7:     I did both but I didn't turn on the washroom light. Come on and turn it on for me!
M:   Do it yourself!
7:     I can't right now!
M:   Yes you can!
.... (The sound of water turning on and off -- to prevent tissue paper waste, we ask them to wash their bum after pooping at home when no one is in a hurry -- and the kiddo immediately walked out.)
M:   You're done? Did you wipe?
7:    Yes I did.
M:   Good.
7:     Actually I used your towel to wipe because my towel is not there.
M:   OH NO!
7:    hehehehehe.

It is a week after the movers came to move most of the stuff. I was scrambling to get the kids to school the first Monday after the move day, and our car died the second time after the Victoria Day long weekend. That time it was the starter. The mechanic said the battery died completely when the starter problem happened, but it's safer to replace it. I had to ask him to replace it there and then because I could not afford being stranded with the kids anywhere else than home. We shopped around for a stackable washer/dryer this week too and finally made a decision on Friday afternoon. I have to attend a local conference this weekend, so most of the room and living room bookshelf remain undone. Hubby finally started it but I'll have to go back and rearrange the shelf. Our room and washroom stuff are still waiting to be sorted.

in the middle of painting the living room

6-yr-old:  ♫ Oh Canada...My home and native country.... ♫ 
    Mom:  Which one is your native country??? (He was born a citizen in one country, and now a permanent resident in another country, but parents come from two other different countries.)
6-yr-old:  (Silence...) You're my native country!!  

Anti-Bully Day
Yesterday was pink-shirt Anti-Bully Day. The 6-yr-old boy asked me: "Can boys wear pink?" I said of course!! He didn't have a pink shirt, so we ordered one from his school. Last night he told me that if we say mean things people's heart crinkle and it's hard to straighten out, so be nice.

That evening, he tried much harder to reason with his sister instead of usual argument. 

2nd, 3rd, 4th mothers
One evening in shower, the 8-yr-old had an issue with a comment from a classmate. When she was really questioning it, I gave her my take on it and suggested to her she can ask others for opinions such as aunties. She suddenly said "Auntie L, Auntie A, and Auntie H, they are like my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th mothers! I know they care about me and love me very much like mother!" I was surprised by her strong confidence in my dear friends' love for her, and felt so thankful to my dear friends for making this young girl feel so loved. 

Massage
6-yr-old touched mom's shoulder and said: Mom!
Mom: Ouchie please don't touch -- it hurts!
6-yr-old: Why??
Mom: Because I got a massage yesterday and it hurts now.
6-yr-old: Who is that massage person? I'll go beat them up!
Mom: No actually it's good for me I have to thank that person. And we don't beat people up.

Making Chocolate Dessert

M: Do you think we should make chocolate muffins?

8-yr-old: Mom, my fingers are itching to mix more things.

M: But I made soy cheese cake and I need to figure out a way to finish it before we make muffins.

8-yr-old: We can give the soy cheese cake to birds tomorrow.


How much I love you

8-yr-old: Mom, do you know how much I love you?

M: no.

8-yr-old: I love you blah blah blah...

M: Why don't you write it?

8-yr-old: Sure. I'll type it ---

Eight- year-old; I love my family than the whole universe, through the deepest ocean crack, more than the biggest ball of yarn, more than all the blood cells in the world, more than all the living things in the whole wide universe.                                                                                                                                                       

6-yr-old: I want to type too ---
 6 YEAR OLD;I LOVE MY MOM through the ocean in to the black hole through my heart  in to my mom's body in to the sun and in to the whole star wars glalexy past the wholes space and that's how  much i love you.